To Love is to Bleed
by athenasqueen
Summary: She wanted him, but she couldn't risk losing him.


It was quiet, save for the endless drumming of knuckles against leather, punches guided by frustration. Blood welled from her broken skin, having not bothered to wrap her hands before she had laid into the punching bag, though the pain seemed to be what she was seeking. It dimmed the frustration, the tidal wave of emotions roiling inside of her. She couldn't remember if she had been there for hours, or only minutes, having blocked out the world around her.

"What did that punching bag ever do to you?" The voice cut through the silence, startling her out of her thoughts. She missed her next swing, almost toppling forward as the momentum carried her forward. Managing to catch herself before she fell (an act she was sure would have come back to haunt her for the rest of her life if Danny was standing there), she spun around, meeting the questioning gaze of Wolf.

He was out of his uniform for once, dressed more simply for a workout in the gym, long grey sweatpants and a blue singlet top. On their own accord, her eyes wandered along the length of his body, taking in the smallest details of him. She had seen him here before, though usually at a distance, and at times, Sasha had paused to watch him.

There was an underlying beauty within the danger he encompassed, and the few times she had stopped to watch him, her breath had been taken away by how easily he seemed to flow from one position of attack to the next, from high kicks, spinning kicks, to power punches. It was like watching a dancer, albeit one who could kill with his little finger.

It took her a moment to realise she was staring, and hastily Sasha averted her eyes, thought it was already far too late for that. He had noticed, though she would have been more surprised if he hadn't, considering it was what he was trained to do, and a little smirk appeared.

Surreptitiously, she wiped her knuckles against the side of her leggings, more a reflective action than anything else, a flush creeping up along her neck towards her cheeks. Yet despite her attempts at hiding it, she couldn't quite avoid his gaze, and she noted his eyes dropping to where she held her hands, his smirk dropping as his eyes did. He was making his way to her side before she could blink, closing the gap between them. And all she could do was stand there and watch, unable to tear her eyes away from him.

Pausing in front of her, he reached out, calloused hands swallowing up hers. The pad of his thumb rubbed across the top of her knuckles, smearing blood across her hand, and a tingle along her spine. He glanced back up at her, eyebrow cocked in a quizzical look, and her blush only deepened, embarrassed she hadn't been able to hide it better. Now would come the lecture, and right then, Sasha didn't want to hear it.

"Want some help to clean them up?" he asked, a crooked grin on his face, catching her off guard for the second time that day. "I happen to know a pretty good remedy for split knuckles."

"I… um… that would be great," she managed to get out, finding herself rather flustered and tongue-tied, incredibly aware of the fact he still had her hands in his. If her body responded in such a small magnitude, she would have hated to think how it would have reacted had he been touching her anywhere else.

_Don't think about that, _she scolded herself. _He's your friend. Nothing more, nothing less. And you will not ruin it. You owe him too much. He's just helping out a friend. Anyone would do the same._

Oblivious to her internal battle, the dark haired Australian guided her over towards the side of the gym where a row of chairs were. Sitting her down, she watched as he reached for her towel and water bottle, before turning his attention back onto her, kneeling down in front of her. Flicking open the top of the bottle, he took her hand gently again, holding it out in front of her, slowly pouring the water onto the open cuts, the blood running pink. A hiss of pain escaped through gritted teeth and Wolf glanced up at her, concern etched into his features.

"It's fine," she told him through a clenched jaw with a shake of her head, indicating he should do the other one as well. It was her own fault in the first place, and she wasn't about to complain.

Complying with her wishes, he took hold of her other hand, washing it clean, before he took the towel, ripping it in half. WIth deliberate care, he tied the pieces around her hands. Her eyes never left his figure, amazed that someone as skilled at killing as he was could be so had seen those hands break bones, and yet here he was, bandaging her up like it was something he did everyday. With a half crooked smirk, he raised her right hand, bringing to his lips and kissing it better, a teasing gesture that would have never usually given her cause for thought with anyone else, but left her stomach in knots when it came to him.

"Wolf…." she began, trailing off, unable to find the words she was looking for. Very little left her so speechless, yet here she was, like some blushing schoolgirl on her first date. It shouldn't have been like this. She had always been so confident, so in around him, that control seemed to fade, until is was nothing more than a shadow.

"Sasha," he replied, his voice low and husky, a slight touch of amusement present, and she couldn't stop the small little smile from tugging at the corners of her lips.

She wasn't even aware she was leaning in towards him, or that he was leaning in her direction, so caught up in the spell of it all. His free hand slid up along her neck, coming to rest in the groove below her jaw, and a low moan escaped her lips, sparks alighting in her. No one had ever lit her body on fire like that before, least of all with a single touch. But Wolf… oh, Wolf had managed to do exactly that.

Her fingers knotted in his hair, the pain from earlier all but forgotten, head tilted back to expose her throat to him, eyes half closed from sheer bliss, despite the fact his lips hadn't even touched her skin yet. The stubble on his jaw tickled against sensitive skin of her cheek, yet barely touching her. To have him so close, yet still so far was beginning to drive her mad. She wanted… no, she needed him, in ways she had never needed anyone before.

This had to be the most dangerous game she had ever played, and perhaps the most stupid. This was Wolf, and oh God, while she was ready to throw herself at his mercy and let him ravish her until his heart was content, she couldn't. Couldn't risk losing everything she already had with him. She didn't want to be another notch on the bedpost, though she knew he would never treat her as such. He had too much respect for her to even consider that as an option. But to give herself up to him would mean risking it all. Things would never be the same between them again, and she couldn't, wouldn't, lose his friendship over something that had the potential to become awkward. Insubordination was the least of her concerns, didn't care if the captain punished her for sleeping with another member of the crew. It was losing him that truly worried her.

"We can't…" she managed to get out, fingers tugging at his hair, though she had no idea if she was pulling him away from her or towards her. "I can't… dammit, Wolf. If we go through with this…"

He pulled back far enough that she could see his face, understanding written in those dark eyes of his. He knew what she was trying to say without even forming the words. He always knew. Maybe that was what she loved the most about him. Long fingers brushed strands of hair behind her ear and Sasha found herself leaning into his touch.

"Hey, it's okay," he told her gently. "Sasha, it's fine. I get it. This isn't what you want, but either way, whatever you decide you want, whether it's friends or more, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, Cooper. There's no doubt about that. That's what friends are for, after all. We don't just run when things start getting tough."

For a moment, they sat like that in silence, foreheads resting against each other. The silence of the gym was back, broken only by the sound of beating hearts. Slowly, he pulled back, rising to his feet, pausing only to press a kiss to the top of her head. With her eyes squeezed shut, she didn't see him leave, but the sound of his footsteps grew more distant with each passing moment, until only the silence reigned. Leaving behind the silent promise that nothing was ever going to change. And she couldn't quite help the smile that formed in its wake.


End file.
